Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
