It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
