Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
