New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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