I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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