I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
