my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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