i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
