u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
