sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
