I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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