If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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