It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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