Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
