I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
