i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
