My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
