I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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