I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
