girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
