I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize