I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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