I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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