Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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