I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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