I got chris browned last night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize