After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
