Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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