Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
