I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
