just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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