I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
