So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I am morally bankrupt
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
