Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
