The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
