this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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