You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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