we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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