well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize