We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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