So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
