im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
