Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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