I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
