I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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