But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
