You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
