Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
