You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
