Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
