I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
