you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
