Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
