chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
