How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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