My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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