textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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