i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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