My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
