They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
