That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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