the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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