Your face is a jimmy john
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
