i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
