Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
