We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
