After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
