i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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