i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
