What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
