so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He felt like a one man threesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
