I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
