yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
