New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
