In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
