Cold hands, warm shart.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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