best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize