Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this boner is exhausting
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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