what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
