Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
