If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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