Are we in a gay sports bar?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
