my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
