I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
