Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
