he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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