you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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