Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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