I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize