I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize