Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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