In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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