I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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