Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
