Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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