Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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