evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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