I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
birth control should be required to get into college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
