Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
