can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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