6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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