She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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