Do you still have your period?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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