i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
