Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
