I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
