you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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