the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
