Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize